FAQ’s with Mike:
Q: WHAT ARE YOU BRINGING?
A: I AM CONSIDERING A FRED SANFORD RECIPE OF BEEF TONGUE AND BANANAS. IT’S CALLED LICKETY SPLIT.
Q: MY HUSBAND IS EMBARRASSED TO COME, BECAUSE HE IS VEGAN. WHAT SHOULD HE DO?
A: WELL, AS LONG AS HE QUARANTINES 14 DAYS BEFORE THE EVENT AND WEARS A MASK, WE SHOULDN’T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS.
Q: IS IT OK TO BRING TURKEY?
A: I SAY AS LONG AS IT’S WILD, IT’S NOT A PROBLEM, BECAUSE THE DOMESTIC ONES AIN’T NOTHING BUT A BIG, DUMB, UGLY CHICKEN.
Q: HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ME BRINGING A DUCK?
A: I’D RATHER YOU BRING A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER, BUT IF YOU CAN FIND ENOUGH FOR HIM TO EAT IT’S OK BY ME.
Q: WHAT ARE THE FOOD LIMITATIONS? FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND, YOU WILL EAT ANYTHING.
A: THIS IS TRUE, BUT IT MUST CLASSIFY AS VITTLES IN ORDER FOR ME TO CONSUME IT. YOU DON’T GET TO BE A MENTAL GIANT LIKE ME BY EATING STUPID FOOD. IF IT AIN’T GROCERIES, I DON’T EAT IT. IF IT RECENTLY WALKED, RAN, SWAM, CRAWLED, OR FLEW, IT MAY BE ELIGIBLE.
Q: I AM LOOKING FOR A MEAT SUBSTITUTE – WHAT SHOULD I USE?
A: I RECOMMEND MY FAVORITE VEGETABLE – SAUSAGE.
HELPFUL INSTRUCTIONS
FOR HYGIENE PURPOSES WE ASK THAT YOU KEEP YOUR CABBAGE COLLECTORS OUT OF THE FOOD AND USE THE APPROPRIATE SERVING PIECE.
WE ENCOURAGE YOU TO LAY DOWN A LAYER OF HAND GEL BEFORE YOU GRAB THOSE UTENSILS SO THAT WE ARE NOT EXCHANGING ANY MICRO CRITTERS BETWEEN FAMILY GROUPS.
IF YOU WANNA WEAR A MASK – WEAR A MASK. WE DON’T CARE IF YOU WEAR A FRANKENSTEIN MASK – JUST DON’T GET OFFENDED IF WE CAN’T TELL THE DIFFERENCE.
